Secrets

He kept the secret under wraps at school. Growing up around it all, by age thirteen he was already experimenting with marijuana. By fourteen, LSD. At fifteen, he was a full-blown alcoholic. By seventeen, he was dealing— and trying every kind of drug he could get his hands on. The only line he swore he’d never cross was shooting up with a needle.

Numb

But somewhere along the way, the numbness began to wear off. The drugs that once dulled the pain opened a darker door. He started having suicidal thoughts, cutting himself just to feel something—anything.

Wind Spell

It wasn’t long before he realized the drugs were more than just an escape; they were a gateway. Curiosity about the unseen pulled him toward black magic, witchcraft, Ouija boards, and Satanism. What began as experimentation soon became obsession. He and a group of friends performed separation spells for money and even a so-called “wind spell” that ended in a real tornado.

Edge

For Robert, it was never about destruction—he only wanted an edge. A way to get ahead. To rise to the top in music. He’d heard that success could be won through supernatural power. He wanted to be seen, heard, unstoppable. But years later, he would look back and realize that nearly every spell he cast brought fear, not freedom. Hurt, not healing.

Eyes Rolled Back

One night at a concert, things spiraled further. The band (including his friend) on stage had invoked spirits before performing—a ritual Robert knew well. In the mosh pit the last thing he remembers was laying his head on the stage, and then all went dark. His eyes rolled back, and something else—something not him—took control.

Used

Later, friends showed him video footage. To his horror, he saw himself attacking one of his friends so violently that the man was hospitalized. Robert couldn’t explain it. He had never been the kind of person to hurt anyone. But that night, something else had used him and to top that off he remembered non of it.

Barefoot

Soon after his world fell apart. Betrayed by so-called friends, he drank an entire bottle of Wild Turkey and walked ten or fifteen miles home—barefoot. He passed three police officers on the way. None stopped him. He didn’t care if they had. He didn’t care if he ended up in jail.

The Door

When he finally reached home, his mother opened the door. She said she had woken up praying for him early that morning.

Grateful Dead

He stayed with his parents for a while. One Sunday morning, out of obligation since his parents had let him stay at their home, he agreed to go to church. He wore what he always wore: bell-bottoms, a Grateful Dead shirt, a handful of piercings, and his long hair flowing down his shoulders.

Wrapped

When they arrived, the pastor walked straight toward him, wrapped his arms around him, and said, “We love you, and we’ve been praying for you.”

I Am Not…

Robert lied and said he was looking forward to the sermon, which he wasn’t. The pastor smiled and said, “I’m not preaching today—an evangelist from another church is.”

Dark Corners

Halfway through the service, the evangelist suddenly stopped, tossed his notes in the air, and said, “God is leading me in another direction.” His words shifted. His tone changed. He began to speak into things no one could’ve known—dark corners of Robert’s mind, moments long buried.

White Knuckles

Robert stood up. His hands gripped the back of the pew until his knuckles went white. All he could think was, I’ve got to get out of here and smoke something.

Then the evangelist asked everyone to close their eyes. So Robert did.

Scene After Scene

From the back of the church, a typically quiet elderly woman began to pray softly at first, then louder. He didn’t understand her words, but suddenly it was as if a movie reel unspooled in front of his eyes—scene after scene flashing by. The night he fell out of a car. The times he woke up in pools of vomit, unsure how he’d survived. Hiding in the hills. Deals gone wrong. Bullets whizzing past his head—three separate times. Then he heard a small, quiet voice whisper: This could be your last chance.

Stopped…

Suddenly, the woman stopped praying. The babies stopped crying. His mind stopped thinking. Everything went to a peaceful quiet.

Could Be

The preacher spoke again. “You might not have come to be changed,” he said, “but this could be your last chance.”

Froze

Robert froze. Those were the same words he’d just heard inside.

Last Chance

The preacher looked straight at him. “Young man, I don’t know who you are—but this could be your last chance.”

The third time something inside him broke.

I’m…

He walked to the altar. He didn’t know how to pray, so he just spoke honestly—as if talking to a friend. “I’m sick of my lifestyle,” he said. “Change me.”

Pin

In the distance, he saw a small pin of light that grew brighter until it enveloped him completely. The weight he’d carried for years lifted. He found himself smiling—a real smile—for the first time in his life.

Joy

One verse from the message came back to him: “In His (God’s) presence is fullness of joy; at His right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Peace

This peace was what he had been searching for and had not found anywhere else—at the end of a joint, or a bottle, or a spell, or experiences or at a stage performance.

Best…

When it was over, he turned to the pastor and said, “That’s the best buzz I’ve ever had.”

All Down

He didn’t care what anyone thought. He emptied his pockets right there at the altar—every drug, every object that tied him to his old life—and laid it all down.

Walked

Robert walked in the church that day a full blown alcoholic, drug addict, a two-pack-a-day smoker, a broken man. He walked out free. No withdrawal. No craving.

Never Again

That was twenty-two years ago. He’s never touched any of it again.

Today, Robert and his wife (and two children including one child reconciled from his time in the dark) help others find the same freedom he found that morning. See below for links.

Still Listens

And every so often, Robert still listens to the old recording from that church service—the day his world changed forever. The day he found real joy.

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Helpful Resources

He now runs a recovery program called Freedom Alliance that helps people overcome addiction and rebuild their lives.

He also offers music recording and production services through his Home Studio.

Finally, he has written a book, Empowered Living, that is a helpful resource for recovery.