“I would have never known her if it had not been for…” – (rest of quote at the end of this blog post)

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People comment all the time on how amazing it is that we are so close…

What is strange is how unlikely our friendship was at first.

No Memory

I don’t remember officially meeting her (Memorial Day – 9 years ago). I wasn’t in a good place.

At her wedding to my brother, naturally I was not included in the wedding party.

Strained

Inwardly I was a little bitter because of how close my brother, Joseph and I had always been. I put on a nice face and said kind things anyway…

Time passed and our relationship got more strained. Around that time I heard a woman talk about the importance of forgiveness, getting over stuff and truly letting the resentment held towards others go.

Long List

I had a long list of people to contact or let go inside. I remember calling Bethany soon after. I had already decided that regardless of if she forgave me or not, I was going to tell her I was sorry for holding it against her all this time and at least ask.

No Expectation

I also decided that regardless of how anyone reacted, I was going to let go of all the bitterness inside and not expect them to do anything.

I will never forget when she returned my call.

Humbling

I was at the library studying during my last year of college. It was humbling to tell her, but she was so kind and apologized for unintentionally not including me.

It was crazy because unbeknownst to me at the time, she was going through her own pain.

Unlikely Moment Together

We cried together and what I thought would drive us further apart, God actually used to bring us together. Today I consider her a real sister and loyal friend.

Am I perfect at letting stuff go today? No.

Letting Go

I’m still asking for forgiveness and daily letting inward hurt towards others go as quickly as I can even just inside. It’s wild though – the freedom that comes as I allow others to be human as well as allowing myself to be imperfectly human.

Crazier

Although not all stories end like this, I’m grateful that forgiveness opened the door for Bethany to be involved in my life, along with many others (some even crazier or what others would say are unforgivable things) who have become the most unlikely, genuine, real and true friends I know.

A Baby Changes Everything

In 2021 my brother and sister-in-law gave birth to a baby girl whose middle name is Grace. That made me cry and showed me what God’s Grace can do in our lives when we allow forgiveness and get rid of bitterness.

Thankful for Bethany showing me through our relationship that imperfect (even in me) is sometimes just perfect. Also grateful she allowed me to share our story transparently (see below for her perspective).

Thank You

To my other friends reading this who have worked through things with me and become stronger, thank you. I’m holding nothing against anyone.

Perfectionism

For those reading this who maybe I have unknowingly hurt with my words or actions, please know I’m sorry and completely willing to talk through it if it helps! I am thankful we don’t have to carry the weight of shame or perfectionism for ourselves or others. None of us would measure up anyway!

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Bethany shares her perspective:

“I don’t even remember meeting Grace. To anyone who has met her recently, I know that is absolutely crazy. However at the time, I was dating her brother, and meeting his siblings was new and overwhelming for me. Especially six sisters. I am one of three kids. I have two brothers.

I had no idea how sister dynamics worked.

*foreshadowing*

Whirlwind

So I had my whirlwind romance with her brother and I have only a vague memory of her coming in and out of the house a couple times, not really making eye contact with anyone. She had moved out and was in school, I was told.

Joseph (her brother, my now husband) mentioned her in stories from growing up and I eventually figured out that she was the next sibling down in age and his closest sister.

Fast forward to our wedding…

My husband is a highly social person. He has like 80 good friends. He wanted all of them to be in the wedding party. Lol

Numbers

In our era, (five years ago lol) having different numbers of bridesmaids/groomsmen was not a thing I’d ever heard of.

He wanted 10.

I don’t have that many close friends.

8 to 2

My number was 8. That’s how many girls I could think of that I for sure wanted to be in my wedding.

So I pulled in his two youngest sisters, who are closest to my age, and whom I felt at the time better acquainted with.

Y’all see where this is going.

He’s got SIX sisters.

Apology

To Joseph’s sisters, from the bottom of my heart I apologize to ALL of you. I’ve never had a sister, though I have always wanted one –

and I had no idea what I was doing in that move…. Please forgive me – it was never my intention to hurt or offend anyone!

Crash Course

So that happened, and I rolled into married life, which was a crash course – moving states away, torn from everything I’d ever known and all the places I fit in, and plopped 45 minutes away even from the people I knew in Indiana, to try and figure out how to keep house and be a wife.

I can laugh about it now, but there really was no honeymoon period.

Baggage

We were immediately over our heads in unmet expectations and each other’s various baggage, and I felt more alone than I’d ever felt in my life.

We got pregnant, moved, and Joseph changed jobs…all the same year we got married – I do NOT recommend this combo to anyone, ever. Lol

By God’s grace, we found help and began to untangle our struggles, one piece at a time, but those first two years were difficult to say the least.

Phone Call

Somewhere in there, one day I got a phone call from Grace. She was calling to apologize for holding it against me that I had not asked her to be in our wedding, and to let me know she was no longer holding it against me.

First of all, I was devastated and felt sick, and it was one of the biggest “face palms” / (faux pas) of my life.

Broken Barrier

I was so grieved that I had done something so thoughtless, and I apologized to her from the bottom of my heart. A barrier broke that day, that I hadn’t even known was there – and I began to get to know Grace, one family gathering at a time.

Then she called me out of the blue one day when I was at home alone, and offered to pray for me.

A Little

She had no idea what we had been going through, and I decided to let her in, a little.

Eventually she was calling me from time to time to pray, and we began to pray for each other, probably once a month or so, and I began to realize that God was answering the prayers I had prayed for years – for a sister in Christ whom I could be real with, who wouldn’t judge me, was a woman of the Word, and knew how to PRAY.

Has My Back

Little did I know what a gift God had given me, in giving me Grace for a sister – by marriage and the blood of Jesus!

Sis has my back like no friend I’ve ever known before, and God knows I’ve got hers.

Power Of Forgiveness

I have truly never met a kinder or more gracious person in my life. She really does embody her name.

And I never would have really known her if it wasn’t for the power of forgiveness.”

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Final Questions For You From Grace

Is there someone you need to forgive today even inside?

Is there something you need to let go of that is holding you back from being completely free inside?

Are there any unmet, unrealistic expectations (mine were wanting to be accepted/included) that you need to deal with personally so you can take the unhealthy pressure off of others and release unhealthy emotions (mine was bitterness)?